I walk through ashes Left behind From the fire that consumed my dreams. The ones I concocted As a little girl Sprawled on the grass Under a tree beneath the sky Of chocolate houses And unicorns Swaying with the swings thinking- monsters are four legged And fairies have wings. The dreams Uninhibited Vast Lark, Open. Quite a fire it was Ignited by a spark Of doubt. I walk through ashes That fly From the fire that emblazoned my reveries The ones I concocted Sitting in the classrooms Bedrooms, parks and places Comprehending the quagmires of the system And their measures of artistry Knowledge Decorum and Duties Via books and lengthy monologues Telling me about the foundations And a way of life. Quite a furnace it was Ignited by incongruity Of the preacher that practiced Hypocrisy and atrocities. I walk through ashes Left behind From the fire Which consumed my dreams From when I was younger And walked with a Cloak of invincibility That years Will bring clarity Less, if not much Half, if not full And a Change shall commence Sooner or later For They must see their oversight, their error. The dreams of walking alone For those who seek love are weak and imbecile And friendships don’t fray Just as flowers don’t wither, That honesty must win hard work must pay. Radiant it was The pyre of My visions and dreams Or lies force fed to me In legacy. And then the world tells me They think I have changed In ways they don’t recognize Of course! Of course, They do not recognize The immolation, the devouring Of my dreams, in the fire That raged within me An inferno in my core That singed my soul Time after time They tell me I am not the same But they do see a Flicker of light in my eyes And a fleck of ember When i speak at times. Caught off guard I don’t know what to say. I lean forward Closer to their ear Unsure how else to cover I clear my throat And I tell them- Likewise.
Background: There are a few things that remain unspoken of usually because the adult heart, which has experienced enough suffering does not want to plunge in too soon. The adult heart chooses to be secure and sure. Most people choose not to express their feelings of affection for the same reason, not just because they fear rejection but because they do not trust their heart and the games it plays.
In her conversation with Cooper, Dr. Brand in the movie Interstellar has explained this sensation of feeling affectionate towards somebody quite optimally. She says: ‘it means something we can’t…yet understand. Maybe it’s some evidence, some artifact of a higher dimension that we can’t consciously perceive. I’m drawn across the universe to someone I haven’t seen in a decade… Who I know is probably dead. Love is the one thing we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space’.
The following poem that was penned down in the summer of 2012 in a college classroom, gazing outside the window into nothingness, tries to articulate what remained to be largely unsaid but not un-felt during that time. Continue reading “What were you?”