Tag: POEM

Mountain

~ Shivangi ~ Leave a comment 

I want to be a 
Mountain. 
Allowing  that river 
to flow through me
And those plants
to grow on me. 
I want to be the highest
yet grounded.
So stern that no
force living can move me. 
I want to be so vast
That any man who chooses to
Cross me
Thinks twice
Blinks thrice. 
I want to proudly wear my
Steepness 
like a crown 
one adorns when they
reach the summit.

And just once in a while
I will let you walk
All over me
Grow on me
Feed off me.
Let you kiss me-
Like the spread of sun light. 
I too will
allow you to be intoxicated
by my beauty.
Let you feel
like you own me 
you conquered me.  
I will sit still 
as you pass through me 
and pass you will 
until gone 
assured that you have learned 
of my curves and
ups and down.  
And pass you will 
until gone
for no one ever stayed too long. 
Unless, 
buried. 

I will sit still
I will stand tall 
until the next traveller 
comes along.

Dreamer

~ Shivangi ~ Leave a comment 
I told you 
I'm a dreamer 
and then 
I dropped hints 
again and again
here and there. 
Repeatedly.

Yet, all you can talk about is
people
People who wronged you
or didn't.
People in 
politics,
business 
and bureaucracy
basking away in 
second-had success  
and delving into
second-had failures 

You talk about boundaries
when my head is limitless 
I suggest
you hammer nails 
around my head
and build a fence 
and see if that
might conform me 
into what you want me to become. 

Don't tell me about work
that is uninspired 
and safe like 
docu-men-tation
and how you do it for 60 hours a week.
It tires me. 

It tires me 
how
You talk about money
Like it can buy culture or class.

It tires me 
when you recite what you
hear on one idiot box 
and scan on another-
never pausing to
read between the lines 

Yet, I envy you. 

I envy you
for your depth as 
well as outwardness
towards
things, yes, things
that I feel nothing towards
and your
stoicism
towards  
subjects
that keep me 
sane.

I envy how
effortlessly you stay afloat
while I am suffering 
and struggling 

I wonder 
where are your layers? 
or are you as one dimensional as 
what meets
the eyes?
I dont know
what am I more afraid of.

I dare you,
for once-
Tell me about
your deepest, darkest
secrets,
fears and
fantasies 
and watch me not
flinch.
I promise 
I will not look away 
I will not blink

and hear me out
just once -
For I am here to find out
if you can return the courtesy. 

Can you for once
be real?
and not
what they are telling you to be. 
For once,
can you tell me
when was the last time you felt alive.

🌻

~ Shivangi ~ Leave a comment

A shadow engulfs
My heart
When i remember
The sunshine
My lover was

And like a little girl
Off i went
Running in the park

Mother said,
Come back, before it gets dark.

But I was gone too far.

I was helpless.
For one doesn’t
Escape the sunlight.
One can only surrender
And so I did,
I ceded.

Threw in the towel,
And lay down on it.

Soaking in the golden sun
With every inch of me
Drowsed by the fondness
Of the tempest heart,
Raging to be devoured.

I don’t know
how long
I lay there
I wish it were a lifetime
Because when I woke up
It was dark, and
Winter had arrived

And now,
the night doesn’t end.

The Other Woman

~ Shivangi ~ Leave a comment 
I, have a confession to make
The truth is
I like being the other woman.

Yes, The One
Hated by all
But revered by
One

I like the questioning eyes
that follow me
when I step out
their gaze like a red carpet 
rolled out 
right in front of me 
to strut over. 
I like the judgement
bestowed upon me 
from the moral high horse
The scoff,
in their tone. 
The smirk,
on their lips.
The surprise,
in their innocent eyes. 

The freedom.

Ah, the freedom!
Maybe, I want you
Maybe, I want you too.
And why not?
I like driving’em crazy.
Feet on the accelerator,
The car's gonna spin off.

I like knowing 
We are headed to this 
Beautiful town called ‘no-where-land’
Where we make no promises 
hence, dispense no misery.
But there’s adrenaline
and ecstasy
and love
As selfless as promoted 
in the archetypal world. 

I like keeping secrets
And also being one. 
I am the secret,
I am the truth,
I am the sin and
The forbidden fruit.

I like pulling the strings 
I like being worshipped
And I like the taboo
I am the taboo.

I am the taboo,
Yet you are drawn 
Like moth to a flame - 
Unable to retract 
what you started. 
Even if you wanted to. 

But don't take me
Otherwise. 
After all,
It was you who started with
“Everything is fair
In love and war”
And when we meet 
In the folds of midnight,
When the world drowns in darkness-
It's a dance of both.

Cotton Candies In the Sky

~ Shivangi ~ Leave a comment 
Cotton candies in the sky
Have been luring me
For a while
Whenever I look up
They are looking back at me 
White, yellow, pink.
So devoted, 
Damn, so divine. 

Cotton candies in the sky
Have been enticing me
To come closer to them.
To get a taste.
To dare and come find them
And right there it is
So I decide to follow
I mean, how could I not?

I see a mountain
that my eyes know for real
is kissing the
Spiralling golden sea
moving silently
above my head.

The mountain is steep.
Yet I begin
to ascend.
Certain that the climb will be worth my while. 
As I reach closer
I see it becoming slated 
Readying itself
To greet me
To meet me
seductively draping itself
in a net of lights
Burning to unite.  
Demanding me
to move faster
So I let it own me
like I never belonged
anywhere else.
And I rise
like a high tide.

Only to find out 
It was all a tease 
A ruse 
Laid down very well to show me
what I can have 
And what I cannot.

Cotton candies in the sky
Concealing a world 
That some arrogant men
claim they know about
through ‘theories’ 
only wildly imagined, 
Challenging their egos 

Cotton candies in the sky
Changing everyday
Shifting and drifting
Shapeless yet constant
Hiding secrets I cannot see.
I will never see.
Till I cross over to the other side.

Walls

~ Shivangi ~ Leave a comment

The walls were
pretty high
when you first started knocking.
No, I wasn’t behind the walls.
I was curled up
Under the bed, behind
the walls.
And you walked straight in
like you
owned the place.
You started talking
And looking around,

fiddling with my things
while i was still under the bed
I kept listening.
I can’t remember
at what point
did I decide to peak a boo-
Was it when you called me home?
Or was it when you told me about the time you decided to kill yourself?

Was it when you told me
you can’t sleep without me by your side
I can’t seem to recollect the exact moment
When i changed my mind
I wonder if it was when you told me if you hadn’t felt this way in a while
Or was it when you told me
that you had never felt this way before.
You said it
So many times
That i believed you
And slowly i crept out
From under the bed
And sat on it
Right where you were sitting.
And you put your
Arms around me
And told me
Your deepest darkest secrets

And i can’t remember when
But somewhere at some point
The walls came down
Oh, I cannot seem to remember
The exact moment when
I changed my mind about you.

but I know it doesn’t matter anymore
Because just when
I changed my mind
You changed yours too.

That first sip

~ Shivangi ~ Leave a comment

That first sip of morning coffee
The music that trickles down my ears to my soul
The mirths of laughter
that make my body come alive from merely existing
That book on the bookshelf
The warmth of happiness
that spreads across my chest
like sun
on a winter morning
when my dog runs in circles
chasing his tail
just as I do
time to time
A call from a friend
lost in the race against time
A poem
transforming a lonely night into
a gathering so magical
that now I don’t want to shut my eyes
Watch my mother
adjust her bindi
in the mirror and
tuck that loose strand of hair
behind her ear
because she knows it’s time
and dad’s about to come home
A gesture of kindness
from the one I thought needed saving
A gesture of love
I thought had no feelings

Make me wanna keep coming back
From the precipice
to witness the colours of life
and to laugh
with him, with her, with them
laugh so much that
now I want to cry
Because once I believed
very firmly
I’d never laugh
this much.
again,
or ever.
What else could I ask for?
What else is there to live for?
…

I should have known

~ Shivangi ~ Leave a comment

I should have known that the world has become a shallow place,
a little vain
But the values from antecessors
Remain.
To give us a reminder of
What we’ve lost
And what we’ve gained.
It’s a confusing
time to be alive
To be forever torn
To be a semi-fit
Rather, an ill-fit
To have a grounded body
But a fluttering soul
Like a bird about
to take off
And off I would have gone
If I could
But only that
I cannot be everywhere.

do everything
not possibly.
There’s a limitation
There’s a price to pay
For one to be born as
Nature’s proudest experiment
To be its finest creation.
or a cosmic joke
Equipped and armed for
any adversity
But,
Only on the outside.
There’s a universe
Vast on the inside
That cannot be
Fathomed
Can never be fully explored but
Only survived.

Why Me?

~ Shivangi ~ Leave a comment

I don’t go to a temple often

Neither do I go to a

A mosque or

A church

or anywhere else

Get the drift, right?

But yesterday I went

To a temple

Not too far

But the one in my home;

It was awkward

I have to say

The face off

With Him

Like meeting an

Old lover.

So I cut straight to the chase

And asked –

Why me?

I stood still and

Waited for an answer

Minutes passed

But nothing happened

No one spoke

None of the statues moved

But a tear did trickle down

My cheek

And I collapsed

On my knees.

Ok. I am on my knees.

Now, tell me.

Answer me.

Why me?

First, I howled

Then I pleaded

In a mumble

That barely escaped my throat

I submitted in a barely audible Why me?

I waited for a sign.

The hibiscus or the marigold

To fall on my feet

Or a cosmic intervention. Anything.

For I am stranded

in a vast

pitch-dark-room.

But, nothing happens.

So, I wanted to unhinge the temple,

slam it on the floor.

Watch Their smiling faces shatter

Into tiny little pieces

Perhaps then they will talk.

But they were quiet

As a stone could be.

And I collapsed further

My warm cheek pressed

against the cold floor

I need an answer.

See. You got me.

You got me on my all fours

for never bowing

before You the

Omnipotent

Omnipresent.

Now

Tell me-

Why me?

I did everything by the book.

I followed protocol.

I need an answer.

A reason to go on.

I laid there for a while

Made myself

Comfortable.

Maybe His holy Highness

Is busy

I laid there for

I don’t know how long

Like a wounded animal

Only wanting to be relieved of

her misery.

Wondering why people

Are so scared of death after all.

As I studied the scratches on my floor

I realised

Perhaps

The silence is the answer.

The quietude

The still flowers

The motionless figurines

Because you see

I had never raised

this question earlier

Never had I wondered Why me?

When self absorbed

I had strutted around

Like an

Entitled

Little

Snob.

Ashes

~ Shivangi ~ 2 Comments 
I walk through ashes
Left behind
From the fire 
that consumed my dreams.
The ones I concocted 
As a little girl
Sprawled on the grass
Under a tree
beneath the sky
Of chocolate houses 
And unicorns 
Swaying with the swings
thinking-
monsters are four legged
And fairies have wings.
The dreams 
Uninhibited Vast 
Lark, Open. 
 
Quite a fire it was 
Ignited by a spark
Of doubt. 
 
I walk through ashes
That fly
From the fire that
emblazoned my reveries 
The ones I concocted 
Sitting in the classrooms 
Bedrooms, parks and places 
Comprehending the
quagmires of the system
And their measures 
of artistry
Knowledge 
Decorum and
Duties  
Via books and lengthy monologues 
Telling me about the foundations 
And a way of life.
 
Quite a furnace 
it was 
Ignited by incongruity
Of the preacher that practiced
Hypocrisy and atrocities. 

I walk through ashes
Left behind
From the fire 
Which consumed my dreams
From when I was younger 
And walked with a 
Cloak of invincibility
That years 
Will bring clarity
Less, if not much 
Half, if not full 
And a Change
shall commence 
Sooner or later
For 
They must 
see their oversight,
their error.  
The dreams 
of walking alone
For those who seek love 
are weak and imbecile
And friendships don’t fray
Just as flowers don’t wither,
That honesty must win 
hard work must pay.
 
Radiant it was 
The pyre of 
My visions and dreams
Or lies force fed to me 
In legacy. 
 
And then the world tells me
They think I have changed
In ways they don’t recognize 
Of course!
Of course,
They do not recognize 
The immolation, the devouring 
Of my dreams, in the fire
That raged within me 
An inferno in my core 
That singed my soul 
Time after time
They tell me
I am not the same
But they do see a
Flicker of
light in my eyes
And 
a fleck of ember
When i speak
at times. 
Caught off guard
I don’t know what to say. 
I lean forward
Closer to their ear 
Unsure how else to cover  
I clear my throat 
And I tell them-
Likewise.

Illusion

~ Shivangi ~ 2 Comments

What if all

I had been

Seening till now

Was a mirage

An Illusion

My mind’s tricks

And games

And now that I have fallen

Flat on my face

The spell has been broken.

The Paradise has disappeared.

I see nothing for miles

Just me

Amidst a sea of sand

But I wonder-

Who tricked me?

A feeling tells me

From the memory or a dream-

Perhaps

I did.

Love is Love.

~ Shivangi ~ Leave a comment

All this love

in my heart

couldn’t be wrong.

this i knew.

the touch

the sparks

the butterflies

couldn’t be wrong.

this i knew.

the mind doesn’t work

in matters of heart

and that only her love

got to me.

this i knew.

and I knew

my lover was

proud of me as I

was

proud of her.

yet a lot of worlds would crumble

if i told them about ours.

this i knew.

so i cradled this love

close to my heart.

behind closed doors.

hiding altogether

a part of me.

my better half.

but today-

we will kiss

under the stars,

holding hands

just as lovers do.

not worried to be

put behind bars

not worried to

prove the truth.

for they realised

what i always knew.

and i knew

All this love

in my heart

couldn’t be wrong.