I walk through ashes Left behind From the fire that consumed my dreams. The ones I concocted As a little girl Sprawled on the grass Under a tree beneath the sky Of chocolate houses And unicorns Swaying with the swings thinking- monsters are four legged And fairies have wings. The dreams Uninhibited Vast Lark, Open. Quite a fire it was Ignited by a spark Of doubt. I walk through ashes That fly From the fire that emblazoned my reveries The ones I concocted Sitting in the classrooms Bedrooms, parks and places Comprehending the quagmires of the system And their measures of artistry Knowledge Decorum and Duties Via books and lengthy monologues Telling me about the foundations And a way of life. Quite a furnace it was Ignited by incongruity Of the preacher that practiced Hypocrisy and atrocities. I walk through ashes Left behind From the fire Which consumed my dreams From when I was younger And walked with a Cloak of invincibility That years Will bring clarity Less, if not much Half, if not full And a Change shall commence Sooner or later For They must see their oversight, their error. The dreams of walking alone For those who seek love are weak and imbecile And friendships don’t fray Just as flowers don’t wither, That honesty must win hard work must pay. Radiant it was The pyre of My visions and dreams Or lies force fed to me In legacy. And then the world tells me They think I have changed In ways they don’t recognize Of course! Of course, They do not recognize The immolation, the devouring Of my dreams, in the fire That raged within me An inferno in my core That singed my soul Time after time They tell me I am not the same But they do see a Flicker of light in my eyes And a fleck of ember When i speak at times. Caught off guard I don’t know what to say. I lean forward Closer to their ear Unsure how else to cover I clear my throat And I tell them- Likewise.
At some point in time, we all tend to be lost in this strange labyrinth of life, not just because it is uncertain, challenging and demanding but because just sometimes one stumbles upon a realization that there is a void and nothing ever seems to fill it.
Sometimes in to the nights so dark,
sometimes into my thoughts so deep
I look for you with all my heart
up till where my eyes can see.
I look for happiness
I look for peace
I look for something
that shall mean something to me.
I tried for clothes
I tried for books
I tried for drugs
still my hunt didn’t cease.
I don’t know what’s written for me
I wonder if ever anything is written for anybody
I wonder if life is just a journey
Or a bubble, a dream-so momentary.
Not always are my paths so right
At times I walk without the light
At times into the forests so dark
I keep wandering till the last.
So my heart sings me a song
tells me these thoughts are a Pandora’s box
tells me to listen to what It says
but like a wild feather, the heart sways and sways.
A travesty, a game, a drama or desire
Questions, confusions, a truth so satire
A deck of cards or a house of one
many conjectures to this world.
still I look for it
up till where my eyes can see
into the nights so dark,
and my thoughts so deep.
(Originally written in 2011.)
Rainbow in my head
When Siddhant came back from work he saw that the front door of his two bedroom apartment was wide open. He kept his office bag down on the couch as his eyes scanned through the apartment. He saw that the closets were ajar with clothes lying all over the floor. Even the fridge door open, kitchen cabinets emptied and house in a complete disarray. “Must have been in a great hurry”, he thought to himself. He went inside his bedroom and was not surprised to see that the locker was open and the cash was missing. He felt a knot inside his stomach.
He called his brother but his phone was switched off. He paced across the hall for a few minutes contemplating his next move. He reached out for one of the open kitchen cabinets and fetched an old bottle of whiskey which he used either when he was ecstatic or morose. He made himself a drink and finally dialed 100.
‘Police station.’ said a coarse voice across the phone.
Siddhant immediately disconnected the line.